I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
