Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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