The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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