My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
