Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
