He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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