i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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