Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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