I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
