I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
