You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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