worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
