she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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