yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
