The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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