I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
