party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
