I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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