Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
