it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
