i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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