I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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