Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
