Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just blew my weed a kiss
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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