why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
