Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
