just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
