She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize