so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
