drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
