Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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