oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My vagina is officially offended.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
