i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh god it's open bar.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
