Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
