He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
