woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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