I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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