i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
