Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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