The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
