So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
