Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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