did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
