Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
