Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
