her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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