but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
