Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
