Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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