Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
