i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
