I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
