I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
