just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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