I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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