my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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