So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
