So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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