I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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