Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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