We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
