I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
