The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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