So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
