Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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