He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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