in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
