I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize