Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
