just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
