I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
