I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
