It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
