I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize