I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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