He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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